You put your whole self in, your whole self out, do the oki koki and shake it all about.

The silver screen once said: Failure isn't an option

I can't really remember where I heard it though and I know i've heard it repeated countless times over, it's probably from a war film. It sounds suitably militarian. "Failure isn't an option!" they'd say as they lunge over the parapet. It's very Alan Sugar. Failure, in life and war, isn't an option for me either....

I have 2 options :
1. To win/achieve/and any other synonyms which are of course not really that synonymous with me.
2. To not do it at all.

I used to think I was lazy, and that the real reason for not applying myself, or switching my internal wit switch from..um... stun to um.. kill was because I could never really muster the drive to achieve my full potential. I've realised now this was always an illusory set of smoke and mirrors that I used to fool my brain into thinking that I just couldn't really be bothered. I was hiding from myself a crippling fear of failing. If I didn't apply myself fully then of course I wouldn't achieve my potential, but at least then the reasoning behind it was because I didn't actually give it my all, rather than going at it full throttle and coming last. I can't think of anything worse than giving something every inch of my being and every ounce of my ability so much so that I have almost given it my very self, my whole not hiding behind my own excuses completly exposed totally true self, but to then not achieve my goal would destroy me. That just screams at me: "you are not good enough." Not how hard I tried, or how much I applied but actually "YOU" as a person.

Do I just carry on playing life half heartedly, half ass-edly, cheating my mind and my future? Or can I take the risk and actually go for it, throw my whole self in and hope I get the whole effectuation feat out?

I don't think i'd be able to catch myself if I fall.